A shinny new title will be needed for this blog. As you may have already read in my last post, I’ve turned a page. I had a major decision to make. It had been more than a year since my 2019 embryo transfer and I was now eligible to apply to the Banques Mixtes du Quebec program. Pursuing another embryo transfer would set that clock back to zero. Alex and I talked a lot about this option and we chose to follow our hearts – no more “Let’s Make A Baby”, our mindset became “Let’s Get A Baby”!
Was it a tough decision?
Surprisingly, it wasn’t that hard of a decision to make… Don’t get me wrong, I did cry. I did doubt. Pregnancy news from friends in those first weeks stung. It was strange to stop a routine of pills, supplements, needles, nut and foods that had been my every day for almost 3 years. But it got easier as the months went by. Alex always had a hug for me and wise words. I knew that what he was saying was true – that we would be parents. However, for some reason, a SMALL part of me still felt broken. The part that felt the unfairness of unexplained infertility… The part that was so stuck on carrying a child, despite it not being biologically mine… A BIGGER part of me, though, felt that – despite what would have been a magical experience – pregnancy at my age would also be uncomfortable and high risk. Plus, my 3 years of trying taught me that it is not guaranteed… I knew that if I wanted to be a mom so much, I did not need the child to come out of my body! I had always wanted to adopt and/or foster, so why insist on carrying? Well… I had to try. Going through the adopted/donated embryos route was a path I needed in my fertility journey to truly understand that biology did not mean family.
I’ll be frank though… the thought that « having a child would be easier than going through foster care» did cross our minds. This new route would involve youth protection, biological parents, social workers and judges for potentially the next 18 years. Since I had signed an open adoption with my embryo donor family, I felt like I was somewhat prepared for this. I was going to stay in touch with them, share landmarks with them, siblings could meet… however, there was one major difference: there was no chance that they – the biological parents – could take the child back. The word “foster” in the name of this program means that you take in someone else’s child and that there is a chance that you may have to say bye to the sweet soul that you’ve had enter your hearts and home. If that happens, you have to be content with the fact that you’ve helped them a little in their start to life.
Is it worth the risk?
Our hearts say DEFINITELY. Just writing this, I have a warm feeling inside of me! Knowing that we may help a child, while their biological parents are unable, is an incredible feeling. The love Alex and I have to offer will be unconditional and life-forming. Truly, the ultimate goal is to be a parental figure in this child’s life – may it be for one year or 60!
We are also quite realistic. It won’t always be rosy. It won’t always be easy. There will be moments where we will be very unhappy, miserable even! But isn’t that reality anyways? Don’t all families struggle at time to raise a child to the height of their expectations? We have accepted that our family will include another family and a government organization. Despite not always loving uncle Wilfred or aunt Edna, our parent-in-laws or our siblings, they are family – and if we have to work with them, we make it work! That’s what families do.
So there you have it!
A new chapter in my journey. A journey that is, for the first time, equally mine and Alex’s! OUR journey! How exciting is that!?
And what a journey it has already been: we had our initial meeting, filled out the forms and the questionnaires, sent in our references, passed the phone interviews, the home evaluation and had our in-home meetings with the social worker where they really dove deep into our past and our parenting ideals. There has been ALOT of information shared and ALOT of questions asked. We were then accepted into the program!! Woohoo! Police checks came next. CPR certifications had to be acquired. Covid training too. And finally, more paperwork! In governmental programs like these, delays from time of application to a child’s placement in your home are unique to each family. They also differ if you apply on the French or on the English side. It can be 6 months, like it can be 3-4 years. You just have to be patient and prepared.
We were lucky – we were matched quickly! But for some reason, it could not be THAT simple… within the same time frame, I was offered embryos by not one, but three people. It was like I was being tested… Our hearts said to follow through with the match and here we are today: OUR BUNDLE OF JOY ARRIVES THIS WEEK!
My shiny new title: MOM!
Foster parents we are and the pure joy that comes out of me writing this is crazy!
I am off…
I will be taking a parental leave for the next 11 months and I will be enjoying this little ball of perfectness that is coming into our home. You have to understand that this little lover is unique and has already been through a journey that has lead to us. This child deserves privacy and confidentiality. Therefore, I – the girl who shares everything – will be taking a step back and will not be sharing much about this cutie-patootie! ADORABLE, curious, happy is all I am going to say.
I know that you will be happy for me and that you will respect that.
Remember that analogy that I used during fertility to explain how we all have that road that we have to travel on to get to where we want to be. How the struggle of fertility was a road in the jungle…unpaved, uneven, unlit, potholes galore, abruptly stopped and restarted a couple of miles later, saw all sorts of beasts and yet, it has been a beautiful journey. Well, I feel like this next adventure will be the ultimate around-the-world trip! Ups and downs, oceans, prairies and mountains, frustrations due to different languages and directions, some roads driven on the right side and others on the left,… but I’m equipped! With Alex as my mechanic and all of you as my parenting CAA, this adventure is sure to be life-changing and memorable.
TO BE CONTINUED…