Next week, I turn 43…
Only a few days and I will be the age my boyfriend’s mothers was when she passed away… she died so young, but so accomplished as a mom. She was 43 and Alex was 18. Her children were young adults, but I am sure she felt like she did not have enough time with them.
My best friend’s mother died when she was 45. We were nine… can you imagine? Her youngest is that age this year! We recently recalled how her mom seemed SO old when it happened. How can it be two short years away!?! We are so NOT old!
These numbers never really hit me – until tonight. As I put our little munchkin to bed, I could not stop thinking about them. I don’t know if it is the looming 43 that is giving me a reality check, but I started this mommy adventure only six weeks ago and there is no way that I can imagine not being here for this little one for years to come.
At the same time, I never thought that it would take me this long – 43 years – to live the dream! A man that I love, a baby that I cherish and a job that truly makes me feel accomplished! Maybe having to wait this long for it all, makes one appreciate it even more. Actually, I know it does. I was on the « waiting list » for what felt like an eternity. Now I see those who are still on it… I am telling you, it happens the way it should happen and when it does, you will not only begin a new chapter in life but you will also gain a new perspective on life!
I find myself in tears writing this. Not because of struggles and difficulties – like so many other posts in the last years – but because of successes and accomplishments! I have made it! I am a (foster) mom. I am so happy and, for the first time, it is making me realize how life can shift so easily.
How six weeks has changed my heart forever is crazy.
How that baby’s smile has changed my life forever is crazy.
How I am so utterly happy is… crazy!
I can’t blame hormones for this sobby reality check, nor can I blame lack of sleep (since baby sleeps 12h!) – so may it simply be motherhood?! Does having a child in your life change you like this – so fast and so instantly? I was already an emotional person – does it get worse? Please tell me if I need to buy stock in Kleenex!
All jokes aside, I know you get it. And I am happy that I finally get it.
I am happy to be healthy. Crazy in love. Enjoying changing diapers and finding a new trick every day to make sure everything that is meant to be in the diaper stays in the diaper! I can imagine Alex’s mom and Madame Guilbault watching me right now, chuckling and enjoying the fact that they had figured it out so much sooner. However, hopefully, they are also looking down on us lovingly, ensuring that we will be here much longer than they had a chance to be.
Here’s to my first birthday as a mom! Here’s to 43 and enjoying YEARS of this child’s love and laughter.
TO BE CONTINUED.