Mom Log – Part 8: If Life is a Highway…

Life is a highway and I wanna ride it all night long… Sorry for the earworm but this sentence has popped to mind every time I thought to myself “Oh man! I need to finish that next blog post”. I’ve been saying it for the last year now and funny enough, most often while driving the kids to daycare! It’s an amazing analogy when you think about it. You will go on your highs and lows and you will live (or drive) through them. Since you can only drive forward on a highway, you can’t look back. You move on with everyone else. That’s what I have been doing for the last year, with two little passengers in tow!

I started a new blog more than a year ago, in April 2023, and wrote this following paragraph:

What a difference a season can make. Not only in the growth of our little ones – from a wiggly little thing this winter, to a full blown “I want to walk” machine this spring – but also on our mental health. It’s hard to complain about parental leave. Come on – you’re being paid to stay at home and “do nothing”. You’re just feeding a baby that sleeps all day… what a misconception! Many will add “just kidding” to that statement, but won’t really sympatize, so you still feel guilty about hating parental leave. You should love – no wait adore – spending these first few months with your baby… I will admit that I did not. I did not adore the first five months of my parental leave, but I am just now understanding the hype!
All thanks to SPRING!

At that time, Baby J was a few months away from turning one. I can vividly remember the sensation of being able to breath again with the arrival of Spring… My life revolved around nap times, feeding times and how easy any situation would be (I wasn’t going to dress him up in full winter gear just to go to the mailbox)! I felt confined to the house, trying to entertain this little being with something different every 10 minutes. I found it difficult and wondered if I was made to care for a newborn. Then Spring came and our world literally opened up! I was able to go for walks, sit outside, bring him to the mailbox (it is only 203 steps away – but it felt like such an accomplishment)… The first time that I sat him in the grass, and not on the living room floor, I knew that I’d we’d be ok.

The experience was so different from the one we had with Timbits. Baby J was not an easy baby. Timbits already slept 12 hours a night when we got him. He had night terrors (still does), but quickly fell back asleep with a simple hug. He ate everything. Smiled all the time. He was such a charmer and a lover. The hug machine, they called him at daycare! Baby J, on the other hand, took hours to fall back asleep if awoken. Every meal time was a battle. He screeched louder than a banshee for everything and anything… We were exhausted and annoyed, which gave us tunnel vision… until that first spring day, when I sat him in the grass and felt relief! With that spring, came laughter and joy and a baby that not only developed a cute personality but also an attachment to us that differed from that of his brother’s, who arrived here 8 months older. We were his everything. However, he wasn’t “ours” yet.

Timbits’ majority placement had been routine – “this is what happens next”, social workers told us and a judge ruled for him to be placed with us until the age of 18. We did not have parental rights and he still had visits with his bio parents, but we knew that one day, tutorship would be next and maybe even adoption (far fetched since the adoption of Indigenous children in Canada is now nearly impossible). For Baby J, it was more stressful. We first went to court for an emergency placement – meaning that he is a baby in need of a foster home for that first year of his life, during which his bio parents can get back on their feet and potentially get him back. We knew the parents’ situation, but still… comfort only came from the fact that we had Timbits, his biological brother, and you’d hope that a judge would want to keep them together… He was 6 months old when we went to court. The judgement was in our favour, but was pending until proper documentation (aka his birth certificate) was received. It would take another 9 months for that to happen… Baby J “didn’t exist” for the first 15 months of his life…

No birth certificate is one thing, but it also meant no RAMQ, no NIREC (needed for La place 0-5, so no daycare waitlist)… If the baby is not yours biologically, hospitals don’t know who to charge (he can’t fall on my RAMQ), 811 doesn’t know how to appoint him in their systems, you cannot register him anywhere. For 15 months, I had to “prove” he existed! Finally getting his papers changed everything. It changed the court judgement to one of majority, instead of emergency. He was placed in daycare. He got a RAMQ, easier medical appointments and tubes in his ears (after having spent nights in the ER for 5 ear infections in 3 months). He got a passport. He became J___ – not just “Baby J”. It took away our tunnel vision and then, we truly started noticing the growth.

My little boy is built strong and learns fast. He is independent, mostly jolly and oh so silly! His teeth are the cutest little row of white tic tacs, which gives him the most beautiful grin. He wants to do everything his brother does (which annoys Timbits). He reacts to things he wants with the funniest little shoulder shrug and hand clap, resembling that of an Austin Power character! He has grown into a now 2 year old toddler, with all the “joys” that comes with the terrible twos. J is learning to talk and does it in a screaming fashion, in order to be heard! He knows what he wants, but mostly he knows what he doesn’t want. He is bossy but he is also generous and empathic. He wakes up screaming TOAST and eats like a champion – but he has to chose the plate, bowl, cup and fork/spoon! He loves to dance, tries to sing… he is adorable. And the love between him and Timbits – now a spunky little 4 year old who asks about magma and grasshoppers and why astronauts pee in a vaccum – is symbiotic and priceless. Two brothers; my boys. My heart is full and my hair is turning white… #boysmom, ayayaille!

I cannot believe that it took me a year to write this blog… I’ve been coasting on the highway of life and before I knew it, I missed my exit… but found beauty in the scenery and enjoyed the detour! Life IS a highway and I have the best little backseat drivers.

TO BE CONTINUED…